Never Meant to Be
by Suffering Angel
Summary: Ichigo's other self contemplates about the only two emotions he's left with. One of them is jealousy. The other? Something which shall forever more remain unrequited as he thinks about the King of his World. Episode 59 spoilers


I don't own Bleach.

_**Never Meant to Be**_

I wasn't supposed to have a heart.

Beings such as myself don't have a heart. We don't need it. We are what becomes of a soul who reached the point where its Earthly Bounds which originally kept it from passing on… are so painful and heavy to bear, the soul has no choice but to end its suffering… and eat out its own heart.

Almost happened to him, too. Though the circumstances were hardly normal, he began that transformation after three short days… Three days in that black, dark hole… almost as dark and about as deep as his own heart… when he started eating it.

He screamed in pain. Inhuman, his screams were. Yes… at that moment he began his way to become an inhuman soul.

At that moment, too…

I came into existence.

The first memory I have, even before being let into his… was of the insane hurting he was in.

"Save me", his soul begged.

"End this pain".

I wanted to, I really did.

Still do.

It's the point of my existence, you know…

But then he drew his sword out…

And I was thrust back into the emptiness of his heart.

We weren't supposed to be apart.

We weren't even supposed to be together, mind you.

There wasn't supposed to be a 'we'. Just one being with no heart and no pain.

But here we are…

Him still hurting…

And me with no name.

I'll never forget the look on his face when we first met. Oh, I knew about him. Him and all there was to know about him. For better or worse it was his soul I lived in and was a part of.

But he carried on, none the wiser, never once thinking I even existed.

Ho no.

For him, the moment he took off the mask was the moment he got better again, whole again.

Not once considering the possibility that a part of him had already became me.

How fun it was to jump in front of him, to snatch his sword from right under his nose.

He stared…

Oh, he fucking gawked!

I loved it… every fucking minute of it.

Look at me, damn you…

Look at me!

Accept my existence!

Fear me?

…

Yeah…

I can live with that.

But you didn't. I came to kill you… to put an end to you…

And yet all you could think about was –_him_-… Your sword.

My sword?

"Our sword" sounds too nice and utopian, doesn't it?

Too good to be true.

Like hoping you'd understand that at that time…

I wanted to die right there with you.

Truth be told, you suck quite badly as a King, and that's coming from 50 percent of your subjects so it has to count for something.

I mean, you're hardly around, prefer to count on yourself and forget that if you go splat or something, so do we. Muchly appreciated, how you look after us, me and the old man.

But you couldn't care less, could you?

As long as the old man lets you swing him around, you're ok with him…

And as for me…

As long as I sit down quietly and just spend my days looking at the clouds fly vertically, up and down, and up and down… and down and up sometimes, but that's only when you're mood swinging and stuff…

As long as I just let you comfortably ignore me.

I'd love to, you know…

Really, really I would.

Just keep living in that sunny side turned inner world of yours, occupying myself with studying your better memories and entertaining myself with your worse. Just… keep out of your way, you know?

But hey.

I don't have a heart, you know?

At least not enough of it to say I do.

So why should I care?

… Wait a minute, I don't.

Well then, screw you and up yours, Your Highness. The people are going to war.

So I did.

And gave you that pretty, pretty mask I love so much.

You had to break that one too, didn't you?

That's why you suck so much.

Truth be told, it was kind of annoying to come out at that time just to find you in such a pathetic condition.

All beaten up, battered and bruised…

Bleeding…

And none of it was my fault, too!

He really pissed me off, ya know? That holier-than-thou brat… Saying stuff like killing ya… killing that girl you went through all that trouble for, too.

It was really, really, _really_ fun wiping the floor with his ass…

But you had to go and ruin it, didn't you?

Not my fight, you said.

Not something for me to get involved with.

And yet there you went and just continued like it was nothing.

Oh sure. Let's do all the things that –_you_- wanna do.

Pissing me off, ya know?

You, me.

The us that was never meant to be.

You like it, don't you?

Your friends and your family, even your school. Your comfy little life. Your perfect little world.

Well, did you know?

It's bigger and wider in here than out there.

More peaceful, too.

Anything you ever wanted, really.

No pain, no hurting.

Just you and me watching the clouds drift downwards towards the end of the world.

Say, did you know?

I ate a cloud the other day.

It was strawberry shaped and painted red by the sunset we usually get when you go to sleep.

Tasted sweet and fluffy, too.

Did you even notice?

Say, why don't you come in here and try it too?

I'll more than welcome you, you know.

Just don't ever count on me letting you go.

But then again, you won't even come here.

And the old man never talks. Other than when you're around, and then he won't shut up. But you're not here, are you? So he's quiet.

So I'm left here, all alone.

Waiting. Watching the clouds.

Are they really that much better than me?

So much purer, more whole?

So much more unlike your dirty little self?

But, you see, I already know all that about you.

What're ya gonna do once they find out, too?

If, they do… that is.

I promise you I won't let them.

I'll kill them all and eat their souls.

That's what you really want, isn't it?

To be that close to them… To know for a fact you'll never be hurt by them…

Never lose them…

Well, you can't very well love them when they're gone, na!

I'll kill them.

Would you like that?

Tear 'em up and hand you their still beating hearts on a silver platter.

An offer befitting a King, wouldn't you say?

But I guess we won't be able to watch the clouds then.

I mean, you'll make it rain then, wouldn't you?

Times like that, you always do.

And here I am without an umbrella.

But you're the King, right? Will it away. I know you can.

Or won't you? I mean…

I'd have killed all those people important to you…

And then some…

So why should you give a rat's ass, huh?

Some King you are… pfft…

But it's hardly my fault now, is it, Highness?

You're the one who picked them over me… chose to ignore me.

What was I supposed to do then, just let you?

Don't look at me like that. You made me do it.

Look at me, dammit.

Acknowledge me…

Accept me.

Care…?

Their blood tastes funny.

Oh stop it.

Not my fault the only thing you left me capable of feeling is love for you.

After all, I wasn't even supposed to have a heart.


End file.
